We’ve been talking about treason a lot in the USA lately. So what better time to say: HAPPY DEATHIVERSARY, BENEDICT ARNOLD, you dick!
Americans despise one-time war hero Arnold because he sold us out to the British in exchange for $20K and a cushy military position. Benedickface did this by arranging for the British army to overthrow his own command post, West Point. (Yes, THAT West Point.) Once crown forces held the fort they could easily attack/defeat General George Washington, who was nearby doing military shit.
It didn’t end up happening. There were ships and a battle, and Arnold escaped to the British side safely, but the Brits failed to take West Point.
This isn’t a post about that battle, however.
This is a post about how Benedict Arnold was a dick.
Arnold lived most of his life as full-on, RAH-RAH Patriot with a capital “P.” He was the kind of gun-toting, brash military bro other men elevated as an Alpha Male, one who got into several duels because why talk it out when you can shoot someone, amiright? He was fighting as part of a militia by age 16, freaking out publicly over taxes being too high by the time he was in his 20s, and getting into fights with Congress before he turned 30. He was a straight talking, “tell it like it is” character…which meant he couldn’t execute any of the diplomatic moves or compromises necessary to rise to the highest levels of the military.
After not getting a promotion because no one liked him, Benny decided America was actually trash. Like many men before (but mostly after) him, when the American Dream failed to make him obscenely rich, Arnold claimed it was because foreigners ruined everything. His proclamation announcing why he’d become a treasonist stated “the insidious offers of France” had corrupted the REAL America, HIS America, the America worth fighting for. (Because when you fail due to personal shortcomings obviously the problem is people from another country.)
FWIW, no one believed Benedickfinger’s excuse for why he turncoated America. His peers in American roasted him as an insecure little bitch with daddy issues, and historians generally followed suit. A few did a solid job of documenting other times Arnold decided rules applied to other people but not him, exposing the period of time before the war when Benny was smuggling goods into the country illegally to avoid paying taxes.
Even with a fat wad of cash and a great military gig, newly-minted “crown loyalist” Arnold couldn’t make his dreams come true. Despite his help the British never defeated Washington’s army. The traitor fled to Britain after the war ended, where he ran a few business ventures right into the ground. The Brits didn’t like him anymore than his countrymen did, and hissed at he and Mrs. Arnold when they went out to the theater.
Benedict Arnold died in England in 1801. By that time it had been revealed the British only paid out about a quarter of the money they’d promised they would. His name was scrubbed off all monuments honoring the heroes of the Revolutionary War, and his death was celebrated with binge drinking and music. He is remembered as an entitled prat who was buried without military honors, because he had none left to be buried with.
So remember kids: When things don’t go your way, it’s best to examine yourself and make hard internal changes. Imagine what Arnold could have accomplished if he’d just picked therapy over treason.