Once upon a time, only a small number of freaks, criminals, and REALLY lost travelers wandered the streets of the French Quarter at night. Today, however, we’re one of THE top destinations in a wanderlust world! Many visitors don’t want to pass through New Orleans without getting an authentic taste of the mayhem, music, hauntings, and true crime that have made our city oddly seductive. So many people wanna know NOLA better that we now have 300+ tour companies operating within the Crescent City every day!
That’s great news if you’re a ghost groupie or dark tourist, but challenging if you’re trying to sort through hundreds of ads to find and book the best ghost tour in New Orleans.
How exactly can a traveler cut through the sales pitches and spooky stock images to score an authentically excellent tour? Here are three tips to help you find the right experience for you and your people.
1. Size Matters - Dream Small
Group size, specifically. Because when it comes to tours, bigger is rarely better.
Unless you’ve booked a private tour, who you’re surrounded by on any given outing is largely up Odin, Lilith, or whatever deity you trust. We’re fortunate as a city to attract some pretty kind, wildly entertaining visitors. But reality is that not everyone who lands in NOLA is friendly, considerate, or polite...and the bigger the group, the higher the likelihood you’ll get stuck spending your 95 minutes of touring next to Basic Becky and Her Very Drunk Bachelorette Party Wearing Penis Tiaras, or Teddy From Texas Who Talks Through Ev-er-y-thing.
(Note: A few operators, including Hottest Hell, have policies that restrict drunk guests from participating in tours, so if you book with us we can at least protect you from Basic Becky and the Drunk Bachelorettes.)
Additionally, huge tour groups can put so much strain on guides that even the most skilled bards can’t deliver their best performance. Conducting a tour in New Orleans is like doing a solo Broadway performance for 90+ minutes...but in the middle of Times Square during rush hour, instead of inside a lovely quiet theatre.
In addition to remembering 300+ years of New Orleans history, guides have to do headcounts at every stop, lead your posse down narrow streets, make sure they’re seen and heard by all touristas at all times, and answer y’alls questions. When a guide is trying to do all that for 30 people on the very old, very crowded streets of the French Quarter, you can imagine some paying patrons end up not being able to hear very well, or finding themselves struggling to connect to the stories from the back of an oversized pack. You reeeally don’t want that patron to be you.
To avoid getting stuck in a supersized mess, dream small. Look for companies that advertise capping their groups (Any more than 20 and things can get meh.) And don’t forget the value of private tours, where it’s just you, your favorite friends or family, a guide, and whatever cold beverages or snacks you wanna nibble while you’re exploring this twisted playground.
2. Less is More: Avoid “All Inclusive/4-in-1” Sales Pitches
You know what you can’t get all at once? Everything a city as old and weird as New Orleans has to offer. So be wary of any companies claiming to show it all.
Reader poll: Would you prefer to be served a full stein of rich, nutty, cold lager made by a master brewer, or a gallon of watered-down piss beer poured by a cranky truck stop bartender?
Most people prefer quality over quantity, especially when they’re treating themselves or their loved ones.
When the New Orleans haunted and historic tour industry first started to grow, the French Quarter was a lot like a truck stop dive bar. Vampires, ghosts, murders, voodoo, pirates, witchcraft, scandals, gators, saints, sex workers, swamps, corruption—we had it all, so we poured it all into one giant glass and slid it down the bar at whoever wanted it.
The problem is, there’s SO much fascinating history that there’s no way to fit it all into a single tour. Guests back then often got watered down legends or missed out on dozens of mind-expanding tales as guides rushed through NOLA’s standard “greatest hits,” trying to please everyone.
Years later, with sooooo many tour companies operational and more visitors to the city than ever before, we’ve grown for the better as an industry. We are now able to cater to the tastes of our diverse guests with specificity, and many guides are trained to be the narrative equivalent of master brewers. Lager, ale, stout, wine—whatever your “thing” is, there’s a master guide waiting to provide it.
Rather than booking the 4-in-1, cafeteria-style tours from days gone by, ask yourself what kind of experience you’re personally looking for. Want to meet some gators? www.cajunprideswamptours.com/. Got an obsession with old-timey medicine and oddities? NOLA has that too: www.pharmacymuseum.org/. Looking to learn more about just how deadly and supernatural New Orleans is and has always been? We’ve got our own “Devil’s Empire” experience ready for you: www.hottesthell.com/the-tour.
Whatever you’re into, no matter how weird, we promise—NOLA has something specifically for you! Find your perfect fit, bypass the tours that try to please everyone and instead pick what will most please YOU. Gone are the days where you have to settle for two hours of bland, non-specific “culture” wrapped in Mardi Gras beads and Cajun spices.
3. Beware Companies that Don’t Brag On Their Guides
A tour is only ever as good as the guide who gives it. You’re trusting a guide with your time, money, and safety for an evening, so the qualifications and experience level of that person is a massive player in whether you have a blast or end up wanting a refund.
Sadly, some tour companies don’t care much about quality, facts, user experience, or the happiness of their own guides—all they want is your money. And it shows.
Because these operators disappoint both guests AND guides, their turnover rates for employees are very high. Great guides quit and open their own companies or partner with operators who support their education and growth as keepers of our city’s history.
When a tour company doesn’t feature the names and bios of their guides on their web pages or social media, ask yourself, “why?” It’s like a concert promoter not sharing the names of the bands on a bill.
The two biggest reasons why tour operators here do it?
Excellent guides don’t stick around long enough for those companies to have the chance to brag on them
The guides are under-qualified or under-experienced, and the bios reflect that, so they don’t publish them
Stalk the web pages, Instagram, Facebook, and TripAdvisor review pages of tour companies which look appealing BEFORE YOU BOOK. Sometimes reviews can offer a glimpse of what you’ll see on your tour, making a booking with confidence easier.
If they’re sharing photos of, customer review quotes about, and/or the faces and resumes of their guides, you can rest easy that’s a tour operator who cares about the happiness of its guests and employees equally.
And as an added bonus, reviews and bios can help you find the tour, and narrator, of your dreams. Just keep a little list when doing vacation research. If you see a review that explains a guide was crazy passionate, totally hilarious, or went above and beyond to service their guests, write their name and the company they work for down. Then go check out their bios and look for common interests you share. That list will ultimately make purchasing your experience without buyer’s remorse much easier.
Plus? Tour guides loooooove when you know a little about them or their background when you arrive. If you show up excited about taking THEIR tour, trust us on this one—they will give their ALL to provide you with the best experience they can. Service industry magic at its finest!
By the way, have you met our guides yet? They’re pretty amazing: www.hottesthell.com/about-us
So that’s it. A few quick and easy ways to begin sorting through the hundreds of options NOLA has waiting for you. If you do decide that true crime tales with a touch of the paranormal are your favorite, we’re excited to serve you soon. If you end up with another company, we hope to pass your smiling face as we all walk these beautiful streets.